This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
