i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
