Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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