It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
