I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
