he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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