Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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