fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
