My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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