I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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