I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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