she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
