How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
