I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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