dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
