When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
