she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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