Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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