I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
