Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
