Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
