Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if only i could text you this smell
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
