Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
