mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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