We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I want is dick and wine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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