Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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