she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
