The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
