I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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