I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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