i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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