I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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