9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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