How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
