can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize