he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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