Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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