just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
