We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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