Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
