Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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