Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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