you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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