If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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