He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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