I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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