I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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