He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Life is so much better after having sex.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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