Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
