too bad you live with your parents still
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Someone came in the potted fern
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
