i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
