she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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