Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
