there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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