I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
