Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
