Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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