Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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