I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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