Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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