I just cut my nipple shaving
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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