You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
