I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
