I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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