Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
