I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
