yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
