Your mouth is God's brothel.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
