I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
