Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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