Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
