I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
