Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
