Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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