Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
