im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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