Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
