Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
