At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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